The Dogs Discuss Surgical Staples

Dogs Snuggling

Daffodil (the Terrier Mutt): What are those metal things on your abdomen?

Simone (the Bull Dog): Staples.

Daffodil: You have staples in your stomach?

Simone: Yes. To hold my gut together after abdominal surgery. There are twenty staples.

Daffodil: How do you know? You counted them?

Simone: The human mother did. Then she told me in that sing-sing voice she has.

Daffodil: You got all these staples during the vomiting time, right?

Simone: Yes.

Daffodil: Why did you need staples for the throw-ups?

Simone: Because I ate part of a dog toy and they had to remove it.

Daffodil: They? The human Mom and Dad?

Simone: No, you imbecile. The vets. Dog doctors. I had to go to a hospital and have surgery. It was a totally serious situation.

Daffodil: The toy got stuck in your abdomen?

Simone: Yes. In my stomach.

Daffodil: Why’d you eat the dog toy?

Simone: I don’t know pipsqueak. I just did.

Daffodil: That probably wasn’t such a good idea.

Simone: No kidding, Dum-Dum.

Daffodil: I’d be careful who you call “Dum-Dum.” You’ll notice I have NO staples in MY abdomen.

Simone: Just lucky. I’ve seen you eat stupid crap many times. Now be quiet, I need to rest and heal and rest and heal. Move over immediately. You’re crowding my limited space here in the snuggle chair.

Daffodil: I didn’t sleep in the red snuggle chair once while you were away.

Simone: You missed me.

Daffodil: And it smelled of vomit.

Simone: Yea. Whatever.

Daffodil: The human mother cleaned for hours while you were gone. You really wrecked the place.

Simone: This conversation bores me.

Daffodil: But I guess they love you. There’s been no scolding over the mess you made. They just keep hugging you and stroking your back and ears. I’ve noticed you get to eat like fifty times a day.

Simone: Have to get my strength back. I lost some weight.

Daffodil: Hmmm. Maybe I should try to swallow a toy.

Simone: I wouldn’t advise it.

Daffodil: Nah. Right. I wouldn’t be that stupid.

Simone: Did you just call me stupid?

Daffodil: If the staple fits….

Simone: As I said, this conversation bores me. Move over. Time for sleep.

(Simone stands up in the red chair and rearranges her body parts to settle into a more comfortable position. Daffodil is forced to stand up in the chair herself while Simone moves around, pushing and kneading the blankets to accommodate her body.)

Daffodil: All set, princess?

Simone: I am.

Daffodil: Should I lick your wound site?

Simone: There is absolutely no staple licking.

Daffodil: Fine.

Simone: Fine.

(Within five minutes, both dogs are snoring loudly.)


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