(While eating a snack after school the other day…)
Charlie: I want to tell you something.
Charlie: Don’t try to steal my spot light. You’ll fail.
Gigi: What are you talking about?
Charlie: There’s only room in this house for one comedian and that would be me.
Charlie: I’m the star of the show. You’re always the sidekick.
Gigi: You don’t kick me in the side. Ever.
Charlie: No. No. No. You don’t get it. I mean you’re the assistant…the other act…the warm-up. I’m the star.
Gigi: I’M always the star!
Charlie: Fine. Do you want me to teach you one joke that you can just learn really well and that will be YOUR one and only joke?
Gigi: Those jokes you teach me are not the good ones.
Charlie: Exactly. Because you’re the sidekick.
Gigi: No. I’m the star.
Charlie: You are NOT the star… until I become famous and have left this house.
Gigi: MOM!!! MOM!!!! Charlie says I’m not the star.
Cassie: (from the dining room, toward the kitchen, with a raised voice) You’re BOTH stars.
Charlie: (yelling back) You missed the whole point of this talk, Mom. You don’t even know what we’re talking about.
Cassie: I heard you. I’ve been in the dining room the whole time. (walking into the kitchen) You know, sometimes stardom and celebrity run in families.
Charlie: (annoyed) Whatever.
Cassie: I’ll say this though, there is absolutely no one inside or outside this family like you, Charlie. You are unique.
Charlie: I know it. I’m just warning the five-year-old to stop using my material.
Cassie: She’s just copying you because she thinks you’re so funny. It’s a form of flattery. Right, Gigi?
Gigi: A-c-t-u-a-l-l-y….I’m gonna be famous for singing not joking.
Cassie: See? Different paths toward fame.
Charlie: She can’t even do the “Old Man Voice,” like at all.
Gigi: It hurts my throat to do that.
Cassie: Your voices are very good, Charlie, especially the “Old Man Voice.”
Charlie: Yea. (sauntering out of the kitchen) You know what they say, if you can’t do the voices….well then you’re the sidekick.
(Oy. Being the mother of two famous children is so exhausting.)