The Flying Cockroach

Charlie: (entering the great room from the back set of stairs) There’s a flying cockroach in my room.

Scott and Cassie: (Silence)

Charlie: Do you think you could take care of it?

Scott and Cassie: (Silence)

Scott: (Finally) There’s no such thing as a flying cockroach.

Charlie: It’s a flying cockroach. It’s interrupting my reading. I won’t be able to sleep with that monstrosity flapping and buzzing around my room.

Scott: It’s buzzing? So it’s a–

Charlie: More like zipping around. I should have said zipping not buzzing.

Scott: It’s just a bee thing.

Charlie: No. It’s a cockroach….with wings.

Scott: Can’t you kill it?

Charlie: Nope. I don’t do bug murder.

Scott: But it’s okay for me to?

Charlie: It’s a flying cockroach.

Cassie: Hon, it’s a flying cockroach. You should take care of it.

Scott: It’s not a flying cockroach. Why don’t YOU go take care of it, huh? I’m sitting. Here. I’m sitting.

Charlie: She doesn’t do bugs. Or bug killing. Or bug interaction. Like it’s a policy in her life or something.

Cassie: Damn right.

Scott: And now you’ve adopted this policy too, huh Charlie?

Charlie: Well somebody needs to do something because I’m trying to get settled in for the night and that cockroach is “roaching” around in my room.

Scott: Pffft. This family. Alright. I’m coming.

Cassie: (calling after Scott and Charlie who are heading upstairs for the kill) I do a lot of stuff around this house. Just not bugs. That’s not on the list. Bugs are YOUR job. Yep, you heard me, husband. Bugs. Are. Your. Job. You always knew that! I don’t know why you’re going on about that now. Better kill that damn cockroach.

(Scott comes back downstairs.)

Cassie: Did you get it? Did you get the flying cockroach?

Scott: Nope. Wasn’t there. It was gone.

Cassie: You didn’t get it? It’s not gone. It’s waiting. It’s around in Charlie’s room, or the hallway. You didn’t look hard enough.

Scott: That’s what Charlie said. Look, I’m done with the bug project.

Cassie: It’s not just a bug. It’s a flying cockroach and now it’s out and about in the household, roaming all around.

Scott: No such thing as flying cockroaches.

Cassie: Flying cockroach on the loose. Gonna be a long night. So tense. I was calm before but now I’m really tense. You ruined it that you didn’t kill that thing.

Scott: (Sighing heavily) Stupid ass flying cockroach.