“I Love Lactose.”

By accident, I purchased a low fat milk that was also lactose free.

Charlie: Why does this carton of milk say “lactose free?”

Cassie: Oh brother…did I buy the wrong kind of milk?

Charlie: You did.

Cassie: I’m sorry. I doubt you’ll even notice.

Charlie: Oh I’ll notice. I love lactose.

Cassie: Charlie, are you mixing this up with fat free milk?

Charlie: No. I know the difference between fat free and lactose free. I do hate fat free milk, also known as “skim milk.” But I’m not lactose intolerant…If you keep making the mistake of buying lactose free milk, then I WILL become lactose intolerant and I’ll never be able to fully enjoy cereal and milk again.

Cassie: That would be a real shame. How do you even know about lactose intolerance?

Charlie: I have some friends. Their stomachs get all twisted and they have bad pains and problems if they don’t drink lactose free.

Cassie: I see.

Charlie: If you have to worry about me being lactose intolerant on top of all the other things you have to think about, you’ll be even grumpier than usual so you better be more careful about which milk you buy.

Cassie: This is sounding a little sassy now.

Charlie: I’m just preventing a disaster Mom.

Cassie: I’ll try to be more careful. Can you even taste a difference?

Charlie: (chewing) Yes, I definitely can. I really miss the lactose.