Charlie: I need to see the movie “Deadpool.” I want to see it more than I’ve ever wanted to see anything….like even Star Wars.
Cassie: Hmmm. Really? What’s it rated?
Charlie: Why do these discussion always have to start out with THAT annoying question from you?
Cassie: Because….I’m the parent.
Charlie: It’s Rated “R”. But before you say anything. Listen. It’s only rated “R” because of language, violence and sexual innuendo. We already know that I am familiar with the language. I don’t use it myself, of course, but I know it. Pffft. Of course. Plus, I absolutely have a handle on the kind of violence that might be shown in this type of film. It’s not evil violence..it’s just possibly gory. And the sexual innuendo—
(I can control myself no longer and must speak)
Cassie: You know what “sexual innuendo” means?
Charlie: Of course. Doesn’t everybody…except Gigi?
Cassie: No. Not necessarily.
Charlie: Well, I’m twelve. I’m in middle school, I know sexual innuendo when I hear it.
Cassie: So this movie has all of this – bad language, violence and sexual innuendo — in it?
Charlie: It COULD. I’m not absolutely sure whether it does. From the trailer, which I’ve watched like 20 times, I can tell that these things are probably what’s responsible for the “R” rating.
Cassie: You are only 12 years old. You can’t see an “R” rated movie.
Charlie: Just to be clear. I’ve already talked to Dad.
Cassie: Oh really?
Charlie: (cool and super ticked tone of voice now) Yessss (spoken with a hiss). Thissss (more hissing) movie is, first and foremost, full of humor and sight gags. It’s right up my alley. I mean totally. The violence and occasional sex talk is secondary to the humor. I MUST see this film.
Cassie: Dad or I will have to go with you to see the movie.
Charlie: It would be better to see with my friends. But… if I have to be “accompanied” (gestures quotation marks), well then, it has to be Dad.
Charlie: I can’t deal with your judgment at the same time that I’m trying to fully enjoy the film.
Cassie: (with a hiss of my own) I see. (Instantly trying to bring up trouble because, I’ll admit it, my feelings are hurt.) Are you going to instantly replay all the best lines of the movie during the movie? You know Dad can’t stand that — when you start riffing with the best lines and you’re, like, still in the movie theater.
Charlie: No, no, no! I won’t do that. I’ll be too busy memorizing all the lines. I’m going to need to concentrate. (smirking) I’ll riff later…for you.
Cassie: Oh joy. Okay. You’ll have to work this out with Dad. And I have to talk to Dad about it too.
Charlie: (noticeably less hissy) Of course…yes. I know for a fact that you brought Max to see some “R” rated movies.
Cassie: I suppose we did. The “Deadpool Discussion” to be continued.
Charlie: Ready whenever you are.