Cassie: Why not?

Charlie: I’m pretty buzzed on the candy right now. In fact, I can’t really move. Must be still…on this bed…shhh…to feel… the chocolate… move through me.

Cassie: And what about all the wrappers I found behind the couch in the great room and in the corner of the closet off the dining room?

Charlie: Oh, the wrappers in the closet. That’s from last year. Old news.

Cassie: From last year?!

Charlie: Yep.

Cassie: Unbelievable. Well, I don’t care if those wrappers are from last year. That’s still annoying. Wrappers all over the place in this house!

Charlie: The wrappers are just a reflection of the very real Halloween Candy situation that occurs in this household.

Cassie: What situation? What are you talking about? Are you going to puke?

Charlie: (with a dreamy, far-off voice) No. Not going to puke.

(He sighs deeply.)

All the kids know that you and Dad steal our Halloween candy. Like you STEAL it! In the late hours of the night or something! So the poor Bollinger children are forced to stuff their faces and eat their candy as quickly as possible. And then the children are buzzed on the candy and when they are in that state, they just let the wrappers fall where they may.

(He closes his eyes dramatically)

Poor children.

(Pffft.)