Boring States

Charlie: I got Washington! The teacher PICKED FOR ME. This country’s so boring. I need to move.

Cassie: What are we talking about here?

Charlie: States. The last Social Studies project of the year. The good states got picked.

Cassie: Which are the “good” states?

Charlie: You know…California, New York, New Jersey. I LOVE those states.

Cassie: What about New Hampshire?

Charlie: Picked.

Cassie: Massachusetts?

Charlie: Someone took it before I even had a chance to assess. Everyone just grabbing at states. It was totally annoying.

Cassie: Can you do DC? Lotta history there.

Charlie: DC’s not a state. Duh, Mom.

Cassie: I know – I just thought an exception could be made.

Charlie: There are no exceptions.

Cassie: Well there’s got to be a state.

Charlie: (hissing) I told you — all the good ones are gone. It’s just the boring ones left.

Cassie: You got Washington?

Charlie: Washington state got picked FOR me.

Cassie: What do I know about Washington?

Charlie: Nothing. It’s just out there, on top of California, the interesting state.

Cassie: What about Idaho?

Charlie: Are you kidding me? (Pause) This is a boring country. Full of boring states. I’m just going to move to France.

Cassie: That’s not really a solution, Charlie.

Charlie: Well I got nothing left. I’m doomed. I hate Washington.

Cassie: I think you need an attitude change.

Charlie: What I need is a passport.

(Oh. My. God.)

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