Old Farts

(While watching the “Golden Globe Awards” show)

Scott: Why are we watching the “Golden Globes?” It’s not like it’s the “Academy Awards.”

Cassie: It’s more fun. Less scripted.

Scott: People get ripped and then give their sloppy speeches?

Cassie: Exactly.

Scott: Lovely.

Cassie: I’m not really watching anyway. Mostly, I’m taking down the Christmas tree, which is good because then, when it gets really embarrassing, I don’t have to watch the humiliation. I just take down a decoration and look away from the awful moment. Like what happened earlier with Jacqueline Bisset? That was bad.

Scott: You made me fast forward.

Cassie: Yea.

Scott: So basically, I’m just manning the control board here.

Cassie: Yes. I like to see the dresses and Tina and Amy and know enough about the cringe moments to know what everybody’s talking about the next day but not have to witness the whole horrible thing. (Another pause) You watched football earlier.

Scott: (sighing) Sorta. Not really.

(Later in the awards show)

Scott: Shouldn’t more of them have memorized their speeches?

Cassie: Ya think?! It’s really getting sloppy. I can’t watch.

Scott: That was sort of funny. What he said, the guy from SNL.

Cassie: Maybe.

Scott: We haven’t seen any of these movies. Not a one. Pathetic.

Cassie: We don’t go to see movies anymore.

Scott: I know. Why is that?

Cassie: No time and also, we’re old farts.

Scott: (sadly) Yea.

Cassie: We go out to dinner, though. We still go out to dinner. That’s totally true. Thanks for taking me out to dinners.

Scott: I guess we just need to see “American Hustle.”

Cassie: Also, “Twelve Years a Slave.”

Scott: “Philomena.” I like that Coogan guy. He was on Jon Stewart.

Cassie: “Wolf of Wall Street?”

Scott: Me…maybe. You? Not gonna be able to handle it. Lotta drugs, drinking, f-bombs. Sure to be barf. I can almost guarantee it.

Cassie: Yea.

Scott: Can we get to “Best Movie” already? I’m tired. This is making us miss all our regular shows for the night.

Cassie: You taped them, right? “Episodes,” “Downton Abby,” “Good Wife.”

Scott: Yea, yea. New one I taped called “True Detective.” We’re watching that, okay?

Cassie: ‘K but that’s supposed to be gruesome. You’ll fall asleep and leave me watching something creepy all alone ’til I’m jumping out of my own skin.

Scott: Yea, that’s just how I like my Sunday night to go, you know, with all the shows lined up…sitting on the couch, dogs snuggling and snoring in the background.

Cassie: (whispering) We really are old farts.

Scott: Yep.

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