One Is Enough

The subject of how many kids a family “should” have came up in a car ride with Max.

Max: Most of the families around here have only one or two kids. We’re kind of weird…with four.

Cassie: Hmmm. Well how many kids do you think you’ll have? Two or three?

Max: Hell no! One. One is enough.

Cassie: Really? Only one? I think you need to have more than one.

Max: Each kid is a risk. What if one turns out like Charlie?!

Cassie: Hey! That’s not nice. I love me my Charlie Boy! And so do YOU!

Max: Yea, but all that energy. All that spazz. It makes me exhausted just thinking about it.

Cassie: Well your wife, or partner, might have something to say about it. (Pause) Speaking of that. where are we with the sex talks?

Max: Ummm…..are you kidding me?

Cassie: No. I’m absolutely serious.

Max: What would ever make you think that I want to talk about this with you?

Cassie: I’m one of your parents. Maybe better to talk to Dad? Have you, then? Talked to Dad about sex?

Max: Ummm….some. You gave me books. Remember? I read them. This makes me totally nauseous.

Cassie: Nauseated. This makes me totally nauseat-ed….because it’s an adverb.

Max: Yep….gonna hurl.

Cassie: Well, if you don’t want to talk to me or Dad, you could talk to one of the Pops about it. I bet Pop Walter is a master at this whole discussion. I bet he really is, ya know?

Max: Oh. My. God. This family is just so weird. How was I born into it?

Cassie: Well….that is the topic of discussion right here and now….how you were born into it….sex.

Max: Ahhhhh. Feeling sick…..I mean it. Really.

Cassie: You know who would have the discussion with you?! Grandma BJ! That woman can handle any topic. She just can. She’s really good at talking about the tricky stuff. What a woman! I think she told me all about the “Birds and the Bees,” or at least a solid introduction, when I was four.

Max: This isn’t real. Right? I’m having a bad dream….

Cassie: Just think….you can tell your kids, or your kid, your single kid, how your Mom once tried to sic your grandmother on you for the big sex discussion. It’ll make a great segue into your own attempt at “The Talk” with your child.

Max: Yea. That’s great, Mom.

Cassie: So you read the books. I’m glad to hear it, but you know, you still might have questions so I hope you’ll feel free to ask me or Dad or an adult you trust at any point. Okay?

Max: Yuuuup. (Pause) Mom?

Cassie: Yes?

Max: Can we….ummmm….never have this discussion again?

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