A Conversation with Simone, the Bulldog

Cassie: I’m sorry, Simone. We thought you’d like to have a new little dog buddy around…to keep you company…to romp and play…to share slobber and sniff butts together.

Simone: (I hate her. That pipsqueak of a scrawny dog is a real pain in my generous bulldog ass.)

Cassie: I know. Again, I apologize…for our sudden insanity.

Simone: (This breed….mixed with mutt…is extremely hyper…and galling. No respect for rules.)

Cassie: Yes. That’s true, my pet. She’s still a puppy, you see. We must give her time to learn the ways of the house.

Simone: (She’s a very slow learner.)

Cassie: Yes. Well…she’ll get there. (Pause.) She likes you.

Simone: (She likes my toys. She steals my toys. Often, directly from my mouth. I’ve also caught her rubbing her bony butt on my floor pillow. I could swallow that pest with one bite. One of these days….)

Cassie: Please don’t, my sweet, stinky Simone. She IS pesky but she’s the cutest little thing. I think you’ll grow to love her in time.

Simone: (Impossible.)

Cassie: You’ll always be our first “Doggie Princess.”

Simone: (Damn straight.)

Cassie: Now don’t be fresh. Go settle with the new bone I bought you. Be a good bull doggie and try to forgive us…for this Terrier Invasion.

Simone: (I’ll try.)

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