Charlie: What was the name of the first human alive?

Cassie: Do you mean from a Biblical standpoint? Like Adam and Eve?

Charlie: No. (Charlie begins to act out phases of evolution, saying,) You know, first there were fish, they came out of the water, crawled on the beach, slowly became upright…

Cassie: Oh, you mean evolution – That would be “Homosapiens,” I think.

Charlie: What was his name?

Cassie: Could have been her name…a female…

Charlie: Whatever…the name?

Cassie: I don’t think there were names. There was no formal system of language yet. In the beginning…just grunting probably. This is like anthropological information. This isn’t really a strong area for me. Is this for homework? Why are you asking about this right now?

Charlie: This is basic knowledge. You should know it. I need to know it.

(Dear God, help me.)

(No, really!)