Girls Don’t Like Drippy Noses

Last night as I was doling out allergy medication to Charlie before bed (he’s on the two pills a day program), Charlie complained that allergies were a really tough time of year for him. “I hate spring and these stupid allergies!”

“I know, it’s so hard to breathe, isn’t it?” I tried to comfort him.

“Yea. That’s obvious,” he said, “but the reason allergies are so awful is that the girls don’t like to talk to you if you have snot pouring out of your nose!”

“Well then, blow your nose,” I suggested.

“They don’t like that either. Allergies are just a whole mess that grosses them out. They don’t want to look at my face. All spring, I’m doomed.”

My first thought was, how funny. Then, yes, nose drippings are indeed gross. Finally, Charlie actually cares what girls think?

“Since when are you so worried about romancing the girls, Charlie?”

He points to the big red book, “The Dangerous Book for Boys,” that rests on the floor beside his bed. (Again…with this book!)

“There’s a section on girls?” I query.

“Yep. Page 109.” (He knows the page number!)

I turn to page 109 and carefully review the section, “Advice About Girls.” There’s a warning about telling a girl you admire one too many jokes, a funny little bit about the perils of passing gas and a lengthy discussion of how to offer aid to a girl who might be in distress but I find nothing about how to manage a drippy nose.

“There’s nothing about noses in here, Charlie.”

“It says don’t be vulgar.” (He’s right. Tip number 5 reads, “Avoid Being Vulgar.”) “Just like I said, Mom, I’m doomed….until next fall…when I can start fresh. New class…new girls!”

Oh my! I’ve said it before…this kid is the one to watch…with an eagle eye! Life with Charlie Bollinger is probably going to be a lot of fun, but it’s likely to be very dangerous, too. (I’ve got to hide this Dangerous Book for Boys…’til college.)

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